Bye Bye Barbie 😱 ✡️🌻😱 💣🚀

ICE Barbie Out:  By the end of March Kristi Noem will no longer be the Secretary of Homeland Security. Her departure means that Corey Lewandowski, her very special advisor, is out too.  Noem’s alleged affair with Lewandowski is just one of the reasons that she was ousted, not because of the affair itself, but because when she was asked about it during her House testimony, she attacked the questioners but failed to say that the rumors weren’t true because even she knew that would be a provable lie and that lying to Congress is illegal. While the affair didn’t help, it was her answers about the $220 million ad campaign that featured her in various cosplay outfits that was the last straw for Trump.  Overseeing DHS’s brutal operations and then calling the Americans who had been killed in Minneapolis terrorists, that was okay but telling Congress that Trump had personally approved a no-bid contract to a company that had been incorporated for only eight days which then subcontracted a significant amount of its “business” to a senior aide’s spouses, that was the last straw. Shortly after Trump denied knowledge of the sketchy contract, Trump axed Noem via a Truth Social Post, appointing her to a new and seriously bogus position: Special envoy for “The Shield of the Americas.” Presumably, her new position doesn’t include a plane with a cozy luxury suite, nor does she get to take lover Lewandowski with her. Trump was prepared with the Shield spot, because he had been given a heads up from Louisiana Senator John Kennedy that he planned to ask Noem about the contract during her Senate appearance.  That also explains why Trump had already teed up Noem’s replacement, Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin. Mullin has no applicable experience but he’s a former mixed martial arts fighter who looks good on TV where he has frequently appeared as an outspoken defender of Trump and his policies. Sitting Senators tend to skate through their confirmation hearings, so it’s expected that Mullin will be confirmed although, he might want to send flowers to Homeland Security Chair Rand Paul who he previously called a “freaking snake.”

Peeps: Under pressure from Republican party leaders, the real freaking snake, Tony Gonzales, the Texas congressman who had an affair with the aide who then committed suicide by self-immolation has dropped his reelection bid. Canoodling with aides violates ethics rules but Gonzalez is not being forced to depart Congress right this second because Speaker Johnson can’t afford to lose another member of his caucus. As a result of Gonzales’s departure from the race, Brandon Herrera, the far-right gun activist who had been scheduled to face off against him in a May runoff will advance to the general election. Johnson’s majority is so precarious that he has asked Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt not to appoint any of Oklahoma’s sitting Representatives, all Republicans, to the Senate seat being vacated by soon to be DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin. In other runoff news, it’s not clear if the one between incumbent Senator John Cornyn and State Attorney General Ken Paxton will go forward.  Under pressure from Senate Leader John Thune who wants to save his money for the general election race against Democrat Senate candidate James Talarico rather than spend some of it in a contentious Texas runoff, Trump said that he plans to endorse one of them, most likely Cornyn, and wants the unendorsed one, probably Paxton, to drop from the race. The problem is that Paxton isn’t going down without a fight.  After saying that he plans to stay in the race with or without Trump’s endorsement, Paxton then said that he’ll drop out only if Republicans dispense with the filibuster to pass the voter squelching SAVE Act. That’s not likely to happen largely because Thune doesn’t plan to get rid of the filibuster. This will probably play itself out over the next day or so, maybe Trump can create a Shield of the Galaxy position for Paxton? It’s not just Texas, something’s up in Montana. Minutes before the window for filing election paperwork expired, incumbent Republican Senator Steve Daines who previously served in Republican leadership surprised almost everyone by announcing that he won’t be running for reelection. Obviously, he did give a heads up to one person because Republican prosecutor Kurt Alme then filed his paperwork to run on the Republican ticket with only seconds to spare. Until 2024, Montana had a Democratic Senator, Jon Tester, so with Daines out of the picture it’s conceivable that the Dems stand a chance, albeit a very small one of picking up the seat. Crossing the aisle, North Carolina’s incumbent Congresswoman Valerie Foushee’s Bernie Sanders endorsed opponent Nida Allam has conceded her loss and will not be requesting a recount, meaning that despite the anti-AIPAC forces campaigning against her, Foushee who did not accept any AIPAC money this cycle will be the Democrat’s nominee and, in all likelihood will keep her House seat.  Lastly in other people news, the Florida Bar has launched an investigation into Lindsey Halligan, who for a time served as faux US Attorney for Virginia.  Florida Bar investigations take years to complete so Halligan is safe for now but the investigation is probably one of the reasons that the Department of Justice posted a notice in the Federal Register that it is seeking to intervene in state bar association reviews.  That’s not kosher but then again Pam Bondi is the Attorney General and it’s not like she’s all that into rules although yesterday the DOJ finally posted the three previously hidden interviews of the Epstein victim who asserts that as a tween she was assaulted by Trump.  The interviews, which the White House of course asserts are full of lies made by an obvious liar, are gruesome.     

War:  Neither the House nor the Senate managed to pass a war powers resolution but maybe it doesn’t matter because despite Trump saying that we’re at war, Speaker Johnson says that we’re only involved in a skirmish. Spoiler alert, it’s a war and though Israel’s El Al has resumed some flights it’s still on and is likely to continue for a long, long time. Also, despite earlier reports that Israel was responsible for the bombing of an Iranian girls school in Minab the NY Times reports that the missile that was aimed at an IRGC naval base but which hit the school, killing over one hundred girls, was shot off by the US though so far no one in authority in the US has acknowledged that. Anyway, War Pete will probably label the NY Times report as fake news because that’s what he does.  And since irony remains a thing, the US has asked Ukraine’s Zelenskyy for help countering Iranian drones. Apparently, those Iranian built drones have been used by Russia against Ukraine and Zelenskyy’s military tech wizards have developed some specialized interceptors.